No matter what I say to my ex, it just makes things worse. How can I deal with this?

High conflict separations are more common than you might think. When you communicate with your ex, remember this acronym created by author Bill Eddy: B-I-F-F, BIFF.

It stands for “be: brief, informative, firm, and friendly”. An example could be, “Good morning, Alex. Can you please confirm when Joe’s dentist appointment is next week? I would like to attend.”

Following this guide can help to reduce the potential for conflict but remember: you can only control your own behavior, not your ex’s behavior. When matters start to spiral out of control, an experienced lawyer can help you to reduce conflict while protecting your rights.

For legal advice specific to your circumstances or support with dialling down the tension in your co-parenting relationship, please call Swiftsure Law and set up a consultation today. Find out more at

Any guidance provided is not covered by solicitor–client privilege, nor is it taking into consideration all of the facts of your matter beyond those in the question. The legal information is specific to British Columbia Law. If you want a more thorough and case-specific analysis of your legal matter, please contact us to arrange a consultation.

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